Sweet
Left Foot
A phrase
often used to describe a left footed player who at one time in their career has
put in a half decent cross or scored a free kick whilst simultaneously implying
that right footed players are inferior. As is often the case with players who have a sweet left foot, their right foot is as useful as ski gloves in the desert. Commonly referred to as a ‘cultured’
left foot, it is a phrase which is often inaccurate, and is the only thing used
to justify the existence of players such as Andy Reid and Stuart Downing.
A Game of
2 Halves
A phrase used
to describe a team whose performance greatly contradicts how they played in the
first/second half. Through over-use by every commentator and pundit known to
man (and the fact that it is a more obvious statement than TOWIE is shit), a game
of two halves is one of the most annoying phrases in football. In an attempt to
avoid this, many pundits often revert to saying a game of contrasting 45
minutes. This itself is becoming a cliché.
Corridor
of Uncertainty
The corridor
of uncertainty refers to the space between the 6 yard box and the goal which often
causes mix ups between goalkeepers and defenders with regards to who should be
dealing with it. In truth the cross was poorly aimed and any confusion between
keeper and defender is caused by poor communication rather than the cross being
whipped into a ‘dangerous area’.
Good
Touch for a Big Man
Well done! You’re
a football player and you are able to control a football. Lets all stand up and give you a round of applause! I’m looking at you Peter Crouch.
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Good Time
to Score
Most
commonly refers to any spell of pressure during a game or 5-10 minutes before
half time. In truth every time is a good time to score rendering this cliché redundant.
Bad Time to
Concede
Any time is
a bad time to concede. Why any single moment of a football match should be
singled out as a bad time to let in a goal is beyond me.
Super Sub
A player who
once or twice in their career has scored goals as a substitute in a regular
fashion earns the tag ‘Super Sub’. This name was perpetually attached to Ole
Gunnar Solskjaer during the latter stages of his Old Trafford career. Super Subs
have a knack of scoring important goals from the bench and so will still be referred
to as a Super Sub even when starting.
Ronaldo-esque
Free Kick Technique
Any player
nowadays who hits a free kick powerfully with dip is said to be using the ‘Ronaldo
Technique’. Whereas in fact they are not actually doing this, they are instead
hitting a ball in any old fashion. Ronaldo has his unique technique when it
comes to free kicks, so saying that players (notably Frank Lampard) are hitting
it like Ronaldo is quite frankly an insult to the Portuguese maestro.
Commentators
Curse
This refers
to a situation where a commentator praises a player, only for said player to do
something such as misplace a pass, or fail to control the ball. Commentators then
refer to the commentator’s curse, where commentators think they actually have
an influence on the game and affect it in any way shape or form. In truth the
players couldn’t give a crap what is going on in the commentary gantry and
resume playing.
In truth most of these phrases add absolutely nothing to the game as I'm sure many people are as sick of hearing these as I am. They are nothing more than a waste of oxygen.
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